What lessons have I learned that I want to pass on to others?
At the ripe old age of 67 and counting I have found 4 lessons learned that I want to offer to others with the hope that we can learn from one another and connect at deeper levels and grow into the best versions of ourselves.
The 4 Lessons Learned are:
1) The Do-Over
2) Inside Out
3) Let Go or NO
4) The Hero’s Position
Each of these lessons have been meaningful to me and those I am in relationship with and those I coach. I will talk through one today and then share the other 3 in the future.
“The Do-Over”
When was the last time you made a statement that on second thought you could have said a little differently and better? Do you find yourself replaying the conversation over in your mind feeling misunderstood?
Often, we ignore these nudging’s and miss an amazing opportunity into “The Do-Over” and building a bridge of connection that can move relationships dramatically forward.
Are you ready?
When you find yourself reliving a conversation you have entered the land of “The Do-Over.” Let the reliving experience be the beginning. Don’t ignore these thoughts. Go with them! How might you make your statement now with time to think about it? Try on 3 or 4 different versions. Start with the prompt. What was the statement that started the conversation? You may have been the initiator or perhaps the other person was the genesis. Keep working. Keep refining. You know the part you are re-creating. How might you have designed the response to be most effective, most life giving. Can you imagine how great that would have been! As you refine, you discover that your words are like words written as the perfect response. You are now the screenwriter for your life. How fun is that!
Now comes the challenge.
There is no more powerful relational connector than humility. You have been thinking about a better way to convey your message. Now ask your conversational partner to participate. This is the magic moment. When you go ask for a “Do-Over” your partner will be uncertain as to what is going on and have no idea that you are about to give him/her one of the greatest gifts they have ever received.
You ask – “Hey John/Joan (their name) I would like a “Do-Over”?
They say – “What does that mean?”
You say – “Remember the conversation we had last week. I would like to take another run at that. Remember I asked this question (or make this statement ) and you said …….” “My ask is that you make the same statement (or ask the same question). How does that sound?”
They will say OK and still be a little uncertain.
It is during this moment that something amazing starts to happen below the surface. There is an understanding that you have been thinking about them and desire to connect. It is almost like slow motion. There is a sense of repair, reconciliation, and hope.
Then off you go!
They make their statement and you reply with your well-designed response.
The results are amazing. The foundation of humility creates a bond of trust. Often the response is “Wow, that felt great!”
I started “The Do-Over” with the person who I need “The Do-Overs” most often, my wife of 40years. Over the last decade we have gotten good at it. It is normalized now and is a tool to not only say I am sorry but to say what I am sorry about more effectively.
I use “The Do-Over” in my coaching practice as a bridge and it has changed many relationships for the better.
The hard part is the ask. It is uncomfortable navigating someone else into the conversation, but it speaks volumes. It is the power of forgiveness. It is the joy of reconciliation. It is the hope for quality relationships.
There you go. One of 4 Pillars, “The Do-Over” Try it. It could change your life.
What do you think? Might you try a “Do-Over?”
If you would like to connect you can reach me at marc@moleadershipcoaching.com and on LinkedIn
Let’s connect and encourage one another.
My work focuses on Family Enterprises where the family roles and enterprise roles have created chaos. My work helps navigate towards family peace and business performance. Perhaps you could benefit or one of my clients could benefit from your expertise.
Let’s connect for a quick call to see if we might help one another at Marc’s Calendar